A-K, L-Z

My new bible:




Basically it's THE GUIDE for all News Limited publications. It has everything in it: which witch is which, 'decamp' or 'run away', trainwreck or train-wreck or train wreck or Train wreck or Train Wreck.

It's stirring bedtime reading. My favorite (or is that favourite?) section is 'difficult names'.

A veritabe 'where are they now?' jackdraw.

So, for you, a sample:


ARQUETTE, Courtney Cox
BRAAKENSIEK, Annalise
CORBY, Schapelle
DiPIERDOMENICO, Robert
ELMALOGLOU, Rebekah
FURNESS, Deborra-lee
GOLDSMITH, Tottie
HASSELHOFF, David
IGLESIAS, Enrique
JANSZ, Geoff
KENIEVAL, Evel
LITTLE, Jeanne
MADIKEIZELA-MANDELA, Winnie
NOSSAL, Professor Sir Gustav
OTIS, Carre
PHILIPPOUSSIS, Mark
QUEEN, The
RUSSELL-CLARKE, Peter
SZUBANSKI, Magda
TAYLOR, Jo Beth
UTZON, Joern
VAN DEN HOOGENBAND, Pieter
WEAVER, Jacki
XIAOPING, Deng
YUNUPINGU, Mandawuy
ZAETTA, Tania


Just so you know...

Do Not Pass Go

Here's work, by night.



Its a hustling place to be, and Im not afraid to admit it's somewhat intimidating when the lift dings and you have to strut through the honeycomb of cubicles, head held high. Past sport, past business, politics, courts, police, then finally the online desk right outside the editors office.

The editor refuses to meet me until I have been in the job at least three weeks as the last new recruit from the east coast left after just four weeks. That was immediately before I arrived. People are very burnt by that, it seems. 'Adelaide wasnt good enough for him,' they say, the bitterness gurgling like bile at the back of the throat.

Ding!



As I have already mentioned, one of my jobs is to sift through the readers comments and approve which ones will be posted on the site, and which ones will become cyber trash. There are a surprising number of people chucking in their two cents on every concievable issue. Really igniting public debate are the twin spheres of politics and sport. The passion is electric!

'I reckon Jonesy's bringing the team down with his under-par ball handling skills and what he did on the weekend against the Dockers at the 27th minute of the third quarter when the ball was bounced at the 50 and Macca went in for a speckie and the ref gave the penalty he proved he should NOT be wearing the number 56 and it made me ashamed to call myself a Port supporter and ashamed to be FROM ADELAIDE!!!! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!!!'

Basically anyone gets a guernsy so long as they arent racist, sexist, defamatory, homophobic or just plain illiterate. This obviously cuts a significant number of commenters out of the race. Some of the spelling permutations are quite hilarious, way beyond mere typos.

Last week it was announced that Monopoly are producing an updated Australian board, one with Ayers Rock and Flinders St Station and all that jazz. The deliniation of colours was decided by a national intenet vote. Blue, the classic Mayfair/Park Lane spot at the top of the walk was taken out by The Barossa Valley and Adelaide. Dubious to say the least. Darling Point, anyone?

So when an anonymous comment came through last week claiming it was all a hoax orchestrated by some proud (and geeky) Adelaideans who rigged the whole show with some nifty software, I raised the alarm. Outrageous!!!

It ended up being FRONT PAGE NEWS and although I was without byline, Ill be taking that one to the grave, thankyou. My first scoop!!

Look mum, no hands!!!

No Relation

Arts About

There's some delightful street art in Rundle Mall... have a look at this cheeky swine:







These little piles of real coins are scattered along the footpath, firmly inlaid. Mostly outside phoneboxes. Genius!!







And this sign has to be a Tracy Emin...

The Butterfly Effect

I had my very first by-line today.






June 05, 2007 12:34pm

"WHEN A butterfly flaps its wings in Brazil, or someone buys goats cheese in Gouger St, will that cause a tornado in Africa?

Organic grocer Angela Trevor knew there was something in the air when she woke up this morning.

"Mum rang me and said do you realise today is the fifth of the sixth, 2007?" Angela says. "I thought: 'I’m going to sell something at 12.34pm for exactly $8.90."

As you do.

"1, 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,0! How special is that?"

Like the Halley’s Comet of the date world, such an anomaly hits the calendar once in a lifetime.

Cath Jenner and her daughter India unwittingly became part of this numerical one-off when Angela sold her a slab of Kangaroo Island Feta in her Gouger St store at 12.34pm today.

‘I'm not very good with numbers,' says Cath. 'But India was born on the 07/04/07, so I think that means she’s going to be a world traveller.'

"Numbers are fascinating," says Angela, a 43 year-old from Hawthorn Vale.

"I always get a thrill when these coincidences happen! "

And while the stars (or, at least, numbers) are aligning, what could this mean?

‘It’s got to mean something!’ says Angela.

Cue Twilight Zone music."


>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<

So thats the story. In its entirety. Thank God I've got that out of the way.

I got back to the office, and posted my copy. Very soon I was fielding reader comments with slightly embarassed interest. Which meant people out there, at their desks, in their offices, were actually reading it.


What the?? Can someone please explain to me what the hell Michael Harry is on about??
Posted by: Tim of adelaide

is this a news item or an add?
Posted by: h.grech of gawler

this is the most biggest crap ive read in a long time, apart from paris going to jail, surely we can talk about something else
Posted by: Dylan of Adelaide

How excitement!
Posted by: Care factor 0 of Adelaide

What about 1.23 on the 4th of May 06/ 7 minutes to half past 1 (1/2/3/4/5/6/7) with 8 idiots having worked out this stupid crap and 9 is the number of digits we have now, 10 comes next so now i have ten numbers and then the clock ticks onto 11:12 so thats two more numbers and i'll stop there coz 13 is an unlucky number! Now that will never happen again! :D
Posted by: Matt of Modbury

this does not make any sence at all, stop wasting eveyones time writing crap like this, what a waste of paper.
Posted by: nick humphies of adelaide

What about 12:34 on the 5th of the June, 1978. That would make it 12:34 5/6/78. Not that amazing...
Posted by: KG of Adelaide 1:35pm today

>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<

Throughout this, I have half a lazy eye on the plasma TV looping SkyNews above my desk. Then, a flash of red on the screen: BREAKING NEWS.

An uneasy energy hit the newsroom as details of the Kerang train tragedy broke. At first, nothing, no details, just hazy sketches. Four people confirmed dead after a semi trailer smacked into a busy commuter train on a lonely country intersection.

We furiously monitored the wires: raw news text from around the world which flows onto our computer screens. We refreshed icons in flighty staccato, seeing what the other news sites were doing. Then things pulled into murky focus. Not four people dead, but ten, and scores more injured.

SkyNews found a shaken passenger and wheeled her out for an exclusive eyewitness account. Then the photos poured in, mangled images of shredded trains, recorded from the TV at first, then clearer shots of stretchered patients from scattered freelancers.

When it happens, it really happens, there's no warning. It gets you wondering about those butterfly wings.

Makes you think, it's got to mean something.

Hasn't it?

I am a summer soup

I saw this ridiculous show on DVD the other day, and it was one of those: 'where have you been all my life??' moments.

It's called The Might Boosh, and it's a BBC comedy series from a few years ago. Like its wildly more successfull (and coherant) sibling, Little Britain, The Mighty Boosh stars two random English fellows who dress in outrageous costumes and roll through their skits dragging a trailer of delightful catch phrases.

But Boosh is waaaaay more random the Little Britain. It's basically about two friends - Howard Moon and Vince Noir - who go on magical adventures to wacky lands in frou frou costumes singing songs and making idiots of each other.

The first series is based around a zoo called Bob Fossil's Funworld ("Where fun, plus world, equals... Worldfun").

Seriously trippy. Here's a clip:

Rock And Roll

I feel a bit sick.

Across the road from my hotel is a confectionary pusher called the Cold Rock Ice Creamery.





It's like a voluptuous McFlurry station, where an array of candies and wickedness are splayed under a glass refrigerating unit next to several barrels of icecream.

The flavour of one's choosing gets flung onto a giant slab freezer like a ball of dough in a pizza shop. The teen-queen staff then smoosh whatever the hell you want into the icecream with two angry steel spatulas. Like samarai sushi chefs.

I got EVERYTHING smooshed into this not-so-little cup. MnMs. Cookie Dough. Peanuts. Caramel. Diabetes.

I cant even type anymore...